I happened across this informative headline on Google's news page this afternoon:
Jennifer Lopez Not In Hospital & Not Giving Birth Today
...and was wondering why something that ISN'T happening made it into the news of the day. What other major news stories that aren't actually happening are we being denied? How many mindless word clusters of meaningless, time-wasting media blather must be generated per day to meet the quota of vapid, useless Internet content needed to generate Google ad revenue? How much was this reporter paid to turn in a story about something not happening?
Other possible stories that could be reported, using this same logic:
Mole people not digging sinkhole under Pentagon building
Tennis legend Jimmy Connors not living on surface of Jupiter
Scientist not splicing genes of owls and sharks together to create terrifying army of flying, keen-eyed, certain-death machines
George Clooney and Brad Pitt not married under Massachusetts law
James Brown not risen from the dead, not feasting on his family's brains
Tom Hanks not cloned from Joseph Goebbels' DNA
Body parts not found along I-90 are not those of Bob Newhart
Barack Obama not switching to Sanka
Pepperidge Farm not introducing actual goldfish-flavored Goldfish® crackers
Oprah Winfrey not ballooning up to 400 lbs.
Bond 22 not to be titled "Dudefinger"
Tennis legend Jimmy Connors also not living in fabled "Castle Duckula"
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- Brian from ShelfLifeClothing.com
- Cleveland, Ohio, United States
- SHELF LIFE CLOTHING COMPANY is part of a graphic, web, audio and t-shirt design studio daringly based in glamorous Cleveland, OH. Why Cleveland? Why not? Our screenprinting is done right here, and we get to see Lebron James play all the time. We make high-end, limited run, 100% ring-spun soft cotton shirts with a humorous underground vibe. We source our blank shirts from American companies, ANVIL KNITWEAR and AMERICAN APPAREL, ensuring our products are environmentally and socially conscious. Our inspirations are drawn from a wide array of pop culture imagery – particularly from classic Japanese, Hong Kong and Bollywood cinema, 60s spy movies, vintage rock album art, WWII aviation art, spaghetti westerns; eurotrash cinema, and pro sports – Shelf Life makes a point of paying eye-popping tribute to unsung B-movie classics while also satirizing commonplace ideas and delusional behaviors. Our designs have been discussed and featured by a diverse range of media, including ESPN, The Plain Dealer, Salt Lake Tribune, DIME magazine and Film Score Monthly. We take great care in making quality shirts that you will look cool wearing!